This article is translated from Norwegian to English by UiO:GPT
1.4 million Norwegians live alone. However, there has been little research on this group. Partnered relationships have had all the attention.
What is it like to be single in Norway today? How easy is it to access sex as a single person? And is there a difference in opportunities for women and men? Do people enjoy living alone, or do most actually dream of a committed relationship with a capital 'R'?
These are some of the questions Nantje Fisher, a researcher and head of CENSE: Norwegian Center for Research on Sexual Health at the Department of Psychology, UiO, addresses in a new study. In the study, She looks at both individuals who are single and those in relationships, and how these groups report on their own sex lives.
What she found particularly interesting is that those who are single report a very varying degree of satisfaction with their sex lives.
"Thriving as a single and experiencing it as self-chosen has a strong impact on sexual well-being. Singles who have recently been left or who are most focused on finding a steady partner are much less satisfied with their sex lives," she emphasizes.
Fischer says that general satisfaction in a relationship also spills over to satisfaction in the sex life.
"The findings might not be surprising, but it's important to have data on how singles are doing sexually, too, since singles are an ever-growing part of the population. Today, we know little about their sexual health," she says.
One in four is satisfied with sex life
The new study shows that half of those in relationships are satisfied with their sex life, while only one in four singles are correspondingly satisfied with theirs. The material includes both heterosexual and queer individuals, but Fischer says the number of queer participants in the study is not enough to give a definite answer on whether there are differences between these groups.
Much can suggest that the single life is overrated, believes Peder Kjøs, who is a psychologist, author, and speaker.
"The single life is overrated in the sense that it is often talked about as something that should be fun, exciting, free and varied, but for many singles not that much happens, at least not everything they wish for," says Kjøs.
Both Kjøs and Nantje Fischer underline that the big divide between singles who are dissatisfied and those who are content with being without a steady partner, revolves around how self-chosen it is.
"If you’re single without wanting to be, it’s not experienced as fun. And that is probably the category of singles I meet most in my practice," says Kjøs.
"It's important to remember that being single is not synonymous with being lonely. Those who are comfortable with themselves and have a rich social life are also likely to report satisfying sexual lives," says Fischer.
She points out that in our society, the coupled relationship is the ideal, and finding "your better half" is the goal.
"This has led to widespread stigmatization of those who are single, especially adult singles, as 'still not having found someone.' A common assumption is that everyone really wants a partner and that it's pitiable not to have managed to find someone," says Fischer.
This text is based on an episode of Universitetsplassen - a research-based podcast from the University of Oslo. You'll hear Nantje Fischer, who is a postdoctoral fellow at the Department of Psychology at UiO, in conversation with psychologist and author Peder Kjøs. They discuss the frequency of sex for singles and couples, how experimental people's sex lives really are, and if there are differences between queer and straight individuals regarding these topics. They also touch upon masturbation and different patterns for women and men – both in terms of masturbation and choice of partner.
Most people consider sexuality quite important. It is also something we are taught about in society and something we are told we should have a lot of. Most also view having a varied sex life as important, says Nantje Fischer.
In her study, just over 60 percent of all respondents report having had sex with another person in the past month. This applies whether they are in a relationship or single. Among couples, about 40 percent have sex weekly, while this is true for only four to six percent of singles. The importance of frequency for sexual satisfaction is also one of the findings.
"Obviously, it is not as easy to have access to someone to have sex with right there and then when you are single," she comments. Her survey shows that it is far more common for singles to have sex with someone they already know rather than with a stranger.
"The single research I have done shows that it is common to have sex with a friend or what one calls 'a consistent sex partner.' This involves someone you sleep with but don't define as a boyfriend or girlfriend. In addition, there are some who have sex with an ex or a casual contact. The absolute least common is to have sex with a prostitute," says Fischer.
"This correlates very well with what I hear as a therapist. Generally, people have sex with people they know. It's not that common to just pick up someone in a bar," says Kjøs, who doesn't believe that Tinder or dating apps have changed much about that.
"Few have sex the first time they meet. They take it gradually, whether they meet at a party or through an app," he says.
Most people proceed with caution
Both Kjøs and Fischer believe that media stories about young people debuting early and jumping straight into advanced forms of sex inspired by pornography, because they feel pressured to do so, are significantly exaggerated.
"These are narratives that pop up regularly – not least in connection with the graduation period, where it’s particularly told about young girls being exploited. It paints a picture that this is common, but it belongs to the exceptions. Most people take it slow and steady," says Kjøs, who also points out that the age at first sexual encounter is going up, not down.
Nantje Fisher agrees: The norm is to proceed gently and politely upon sexual debut. And that experimenting with more advanced sex comes later when one is more experienced.
Both the sexual health researcher and the psychologist emphasize that there have been fewer taboos about sex over the past few decades, but both are still surprised that some gender roles appear to be fixed.
"Girls, to the same extent as boys, cannot take advantage of various partners without a certain stigma attached to it," says Kjøs. Fischer agrees. She also brings up another topic, which is not talked about much: solo sex or masturbation, which she has also researched. Her findings suggest that there is a big difference between men and women when it comes to solo sex.
"In our study on singles and sex, we found that single women who masturbated the most were also the most satisfied with their sex lives. They might be more curious about their sexual life and so solo sex leads to a desire for more sex. Many also see this as part of a liberation project and having control over their sexual life," she says and points out that it looks different for men.
"What we found was that men who masturbate a lot often are dissatisfied with their sex lives. Masturbation had a certain compensatory function and could be seen as a replacement for sex with a partner," she says.
Peder Kjøs points out that this is a paradox
"We live in an age where it is portrayed as cooler for women to masturbate. Also, the sexiest sex toys are designed for women. At the same time, men's masturbation has become somewhat shamed and ridiculed, despite the fact that it's known that men generally masturbate much more than women," he says.
Nantje Fischer agrees that this is a topic that deserves further research – in addition to single life.
